With Love, Men

Why do men watch porn?

Jake Fishbein & Nick Papadopoulos Episode 5

In this episode of With Love, Men, co-hosts Jake Fishbein and Nick Papadopoulos tackle one of the most avoided topics in men's conversations: pornography and its profound impact on intimacy and relationships.

With 91.5% of men aged 18-73 reporting porn consumption in the past month, this isn't a fringe issue—it's affecting nearly every man and their relationships. Nick courageously shares his traumatic first encounter with pornography at age 10, revealing how it was used as a tool of manipulation by a predator, and how his family's shame-filled reaction pushed him deeper into dangerous territory. His raw vulnerability illustrates the complex web of trauma, shame, and unhealthy patterns that can shape a man's relationship with sexuality and intimacy.

Jake explores why men rarely discuss porn or sex authentically in group settings, despite it being such a prevalent part of their lives. Together, they examine how shame, fear of vulnerability, and cultural conditioning keep these crucial conversations locked in darkness—and the devastating cost of that silence.

From financial ruin to relationship destruction, the hosts reveal how porn addiction affects real lives, including a powerful story of a man watching porn upstairs while his family gathered below—a metaphor for the isolation and disconnection that secrets create. They discuss how feelings of unworthiness drive men to retreat into fantasy rather than risk authentic requests or vulnerability with real partners.

The conversation extends to our digital age, where AI relationships and virtual interactions offer even more ways to avoid the messy, challenging, but ultimately rewarding work of real human connection.

🔑 Topics Covered

  • The staggering statistics: Why 91.5% of men consume porn and what it means for relationships
  • Nick's origin story: Childhood trauma, manipulation, and the birth of shame around sexuality
  • The silence epidemic: Why men avoid authentic conversations about sex and intimacy
  • The worthiness factor: How feelings of inadequacy drive men to fantasy instead of real connection
  • The hidden costs: Financial ruin, relationship destruction, and emotional isolation
  • Modern challenges: AI relationships and the increasing avoidance of human vulnerability
  • Breaking the cycle: How bringing shame into the light begins the healing process

💡 Reflective Prompt
What aspects of your sexuality or relationship to intimacy are you keeping in the darkness? What conversations are you avoiding that might actually bring you closer to the connections you desire?

📍Links + Resources

💼 Connect with Us on LinkedIn:

  • Jake Fishbein
  • Nick Papadopoulos

With Love, Jake & Nick

People on this episode